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Tuesday, November 16, 2010

WHOSE ARMY IS IT ANYWAY

Introduction.

1. The present Indian Army is unique. It started out as an Army raised to serve a foreign master to be used against its own Countrymen. Yet it was never a mercenary Army. The men who came forward to join this Army looked upon fighting or the call to arms as their profession and they fought for their honour. They did not have any other cause to serve. In the following paragraphs I intent introducing the reader to the concepts of a totally Indian Army as this Country needs and deserves. Honour has always been the byword of every person who has joined up to serve under the Colours. The regimental spirit fostered by the British bound the Indian soldier and the British officer in a common emotional bond. This spirit became complementary to the soldier’s code of honour. Even in the changed circumstances of today, the regimental ethos of the combat units of the Indian Army is all important.

2. The Indian Army has always been a volunteer army comprising individuals animated by an attraction for the profession of arms. For centuries men hoped that with time would come progress, and with progress, would come peace. But progress has simply given man the means to make war even more terrifying and horrible. And thus, for the love of war, countries have over the centuries felt the necessity for Armies. War is a brutal game, but a game which is the best, and men love games. Even in today’s cyber world, most games are about war and strategy, and the pleasure boys and men derive from playing these computer games, is truly amazing. But on with our story of the Indian Army. The Indian like his counterpart around the world has the same love of war, adventure, a clean and disciplined way of life ingrained in his psyche. Today the Indian Army has become the largest volunteer army of the World, and for all the reasons quoted above. Churchill referred to the Indian Army of over 2 million strong as “the largest volunteer army known to history”.

3. The Indian Army is the only apolitical Army of the Third World. In the thousands of years of our history there has been only one instance of a military coup. While remaining apolitical, the Indian Army has been greatly influencing political events in the country which have determined the course of our history. The first spark of Nationalism was lit by the Indian Army in 1857.

4. National defence is the reason for having an Army. From the days of our Independence the Indian Army has been defending our long and live frontiers. It has engaged in four wars to defend the country against external aggression. Apart from these wars the Army has been involved in what has now become fashionable to term as “limited wars”. We do not ‘declare’ a formal war but merrily keep at throwing sticks and stones like little boys, at each other. We have had our ‘Kargil’, and the recently concluded inconclusive ‘Operation Parikrama”. Wise men have determined that more often than not a ‘war’ is essentially an excuse to divert national attention away from internal weak or poor governance. Well what ever, the reasons be, the Indian Army has, over the years managed to keep the Country from anarchy and as recently as in the year 2002, acted as a deterrent to external aggression. It is a proud fact of our history that no Indian Government has ever sent its Army abroad for aggression and conquest.

Whose Army is it Anyway?

5. The obvious answer a patriotic Indian would give, is that it’s your Army as much as its mine. But who are the Armed Forces really responsible to? Does the Army owe total unquestionable loyalty to the Government in power, which by extension means the people of India, or does the Army in its apolitical role, owe its loyalty to the Nation, which once again, by extension, means the people of India. This apparent paradox, despite its simplicity has connotations, which must be understood by the reader.

6. All Governments be they democratic, federal, theocratic or dictatorial have one thing in common. They need armies as extensions of their political Will. Armies all over the World have from time to time been guarantors of political systems and have ensured that these systems have stayed in power. In India, the Army is however, purely a means to ensure that foreign aggression is resisted and a guarantee of national integrity. The Indian Army is a people’s army, responsible to defend the integrity of the Nation. But national stability and national defence along with national integration must be collectively ensured and the best means is to use the Army to ensure it. Regrettably there has been a definitive drift away from the chosen path for the Army to ensure this. This has roots in the fact that there has been a sad decline in our ability as a Nation to govern ourselves. The administrative machinery has the police forces as their own extension of the law and order enforcement. The police sadly are not used for the roles they have so efficiently charted out for themselves as is the case in many countries. There has been an erosion of values within the administrative machinery , which has effected the whole nation. There was a time when the Army was comparatively small and the regular officer was above politics and beyond deceit, without exception or qualification. Unfortunately with changing social norms the Army has permitted itself to be coerced and misguided into what is now loosely called National Integration. The need of the hour is therefore to separate the Army and the Police and let these vastly dissimilar forces do what they were originally trained and conceived to do. One cannot use the Army to further the political beliefs of a parochial minded government. We as a Nation need to rise above this malaise. There is a need to further explain the concept of the maintenance of law and order, so very often misunderstood by our esteemed readership.

Law and Order.

7. There are two distinct types of situations in which the civil administration seek the Army’s help -- one, where the use of, or show of, force is necessary, and two, in disaster relief. It would be interesting to note at this juncture that an order was given by Pandit Nehru in 1949 to the then Commander in Chief Lieutenant General Carriappa , to bring the Army closer to the people. The able general went about this in two ways. He started to educate his men and officers on how to deal with civilians of all classes in a Democracy. He also started a series of “Explaining” the Army to the people. He asked the then Government, to lay down the role of the Army, and it was given out as follows :-

PRIMARILY TO DEFEND INDIA AGAINST EXTERNAL AGGRESSION


SECONDLY TO ASSIST THE GOVERNMENT WHEN ASKED TO GIVE SUCH ASSISTANCE,


IN ORDER TO ENABLE IT TO CARRY OUT ITS FUNCTIONS.

8. Incidentally the above is enshrined in the Constitution of India. The Army is called out only when the State Police, the Central Reserve Police(CRPF) and the BSF are unable to cope with a situation. Its success from such missions can be judged from the fact that on many occasions people of effected localities have themselves requested for the Army instead of the other law enforcement agencies. Lack of confidence in the forces at the disposal of the State and, the impartiality of the Army was the reason given in every case. Though this is an indication of the esteem in which the Army is held, it must be remembered that the employment of the Army on such chores too frequently, may lay it open to the same suspicion as the civilian security forces, are nowadays treated with. Many Indians will appreciate that, more often than not, the collapse of the administrative machinery has been the cause of internal disturbances in our country. The Army’s disciplined approach to every situation has been a boon to the Nation in emergencies, such as National calamities. But is ridiculous to expect the Army to rush to the aid of civil authority for every rail accident or industrial calamity that occurs in this Country. So despite the cliche, Whose Army Is It? we the people of India need to wake up to the need for a proper method to deal with our national problems instead expecting the Army to help resolve them from time to time. The Army has ventured forth in many civilian areas including sports and adventure activities of national importance. It has been the active participant in the Antarctic expeditions starting in 1982-83. The Army has been active in peace as in war and therefore we arrive closer to the answer of our original question, Whose Army is It Anyway?.

Army and Politics.

9. The Army- Civil equation has hardly changed since 1971. The Army remained aloof as ever from politics. The success of its counter insurgency operations in various parts of the country has been largely due to this aloofness. The change of Governments at the Centre has not made much difference. Even during the Emergency the Army stayed aloof. It is noteworthy, that, in the proceedings of the Shah Commission, set up by the Janata Government to investigate the ‘atrocities’ of that period, no reference was ever made to the Army. There have been efforts by naive Government representatives to change the colour and complexion of the Army, but to no avail, since an Army has traditional ways ingrained in it. The recent Tehalka exposition or shall we term Inquisition, served only to high light the efforts of naive men in power to denigrate the colour and complexion of the Armed Forces in general. Not that the Army has a holier than thou image. No system is perfect, but when governments forget the rules and roles that have to played by various participants within the overall machinery there are bound to be aberrations.

10. The existence of democratic traditions in the Indian polity since ancient times has also played its part in the healthy development of Democracy. Aloofness from politics however does not mean renunciation of interest in the subject. After all every officer and jawan has a vote, and is expected to cast it intelligently. One must never forget the near disaster that resulted from the then Defence Minister, Krishna Menon’s efforts to politicise the Army.

Conclusion.

11. In concluding I would like to tell the reader about what Field Marshal Wavell said, and he was no prophet. Besides being an unquestionably great soldier who admired the Indian Army, Indian troops fought under him while he was the Commander-in-Chief of the Middle East during the Second World War. He was also the Commander-in-Chief India before he became the Country’s Viceroy. When he relinquished office in 1947, he broadcast a message to the people of India on 21 May 1947 and made special reference to the Indian Army. “I believe”, he said, “ that the stability of the Indian Army may perhaps be the deciding factor in the future of India. It has shown how all communities may work together to meet common danger with comradeship and devotion”. The Indian Army has lived up to Wavell’s forecast. Its stability has been crucial in the history of this Country since the very first day of Independence.

12. Divisive trends, based on religion, language, region and caste have unfortunately been growing. These have not only become a strong force in politics but have also infected the civil services, including the police. In this vicious atmosphere, the Army stands alone as a symbol of unity. It has staunchly maintained its tradition of not mixing caste, religion, language or region, with duty. Alas, this cannot be said of the present Indian Civil Services. Before 1947, the Indian Civil Service was the steel frame on which the British Empire rested. The same should have been the case in Independent India. Yet it is common knowledge that the very organisation designed to govern this Country has lapsed into a state of lethargic neglect and cannot by any stretch of imagination be called a service with a steel frame.

13. Today if any single organisation can claim to be holding the Nation together, it is the Armed Forces, though they do not go proclaiming this from housetops. The security that the man on the street enjoys is largely the Armed Forces gift to the Nation. As we move further into the 21st Century with pride in our hearts on every Republic Day celebration, which in essence honour our Armed Forces, let the public and those who form public opinion, realize that a strong national base, is an important pre-requisite for successful defence. The base consists of the Country’s economic strength, its industrial potential, the sturdiness of its people and last but not least their moral fibre. History has numerous examples of nations defeated due to moral degradation. There are dangerous trends becoming visible nowadays which cannot but damage the moral fibre of our Country, and, which are on the increase. Our Army cannot therefore remain aloof, and therefore the answer to the subject is simply that the Army is my Army, our Army, and our Nation’s Army.




Lt Col Sukhwant Singh
(Retd)
Jan 2003

PS.  I  wrote this after retiring and a lot  in it  relates to today's tirade by all and sundry against  the  Armed Forces.

SIKH RELIGIOUS THOUGHT

Mankind over the ages has embarked on many a remarkable journey. With the turn of each Century, he seems to have come closer to the eternal truth loosely called mukti, transmigration of the soul, moksh etc. Salvation or a form of intermingling of the soul with the creator, renunciation as so many teachers have spoken and written about down the ages was consistent with a philosophical thought that has always existed. And yet mankind continues to move apparently in aimless circles in search of the Truth. Much has been written about the great religions of the World, and the various interpretations of the philosophy of Life. Great teachers born in every age, preached almost identical thoughts. Whether we can call these men of wisdom Teachers or Reformers, all of them tried to change the character and thinking of Mankind. Most have failed and I dare say this not with cynical distress but more so because I feel there is need for men to understand their respective religions, rather than simply chant or repeat the written teachings of these men of wisdom from the past. There is a golden rule, stated once by a great teacher from the past, “What you do not want done to yourself do not do to others”. Of course when Confucius said, “ While you do not know life, what can you know about death”, he was simply stating an eternal truth. We need to look within ourselves as individuals in today’s world, and not blindly believe and follow the huge growing population of charlatans who call themselves “teachers”.

Sikhism is one such religion that explores the teachings of many a great reformer and gives the believer, a comprehensive guide to a Way of Life, which in effect is what all religions really teach. The Sikh Gurus have much in common with other teachers in the Indian tradition, but their history and contribution is also distinctive. They were not Brahmins, they did not see their calling to be that of expounding the Vedas. They taught in the vernacular, not in Sanskrit and their message was for everyone. There were ten of them who all followed the teaching of Guru Nanak, and who with the conscious decision of Guru Gobind Singh the tenth Guru, that the succession was invested in a written collection of teachings, which was given the title Guru Granth Sahib. This is now the Guru of the Sikhs.

The first requirement of a Guru is that he should be enlightened. Only in the case of Guru Nanak himself is the story of his experience available. Guru Nanak was born into a Kshatriya family of the Bedi subgroup and seems to have been brought up as an orthodox Hindu in a district where there were both Hindus and Muslims in the population. His father was a revenue superintendent for Rai Bular, the Muslim owner of the village of Talwandi. Information about the aspects of Guru Nanak’s enlightenment is available in what are known as the Janam Sakhi narratives. Innumerable stories are told in the janam sakhis to show that Nanak was already destined for greatness. The pandit saw it in his horoscope and the Muslim midwife stated that he laughed like a grown man. The pandit declared that the child would sit under a canopy :

“Both Hindus and Turks will revere him; his name will become known on earth and in heaven. The ocean will give him the way, so will the earth and the skies. He will worship and acknowledge only the One Formless Lord and teach others to do so.”

Guru Nanak’s search at least in his teens was so varied that it is acknowledged that by the time he was at the end of his teens he was an educated man already dissatisfied with the formal Hinduism which was his heritage. There are descriptions of his meetings with yogis, sadhus and sants many about which are preserved in the Guru Granth Sahib. Around the age of 30 the janam sakhi describes an event that preceded Guru Nanak’s emergence as a Guru. He disappeared for three days during which time it was believed that he had drowned in the river. When he appeared he made the enigmatic pronouncement :

“There is neither Hindu nor Mussulman so whose path shall I follow ?
I shall follow Gods path. God is neither Hindu nor Mussulman and the path which I follow is God’s.”

His enlightenment and communion with the Supreme being is best described in the Mool Mantra. Years passed and Nanak traveled far and wide. He is credited with having traversed the length and breath of the Indian sub continent. His travels to the main centers of Hinduism and Islam took him as far as Mecca, Tibet and Sri Lanka. During his travels he was often accompanied by Mardana, a Muslim disciple and musician. From the janam sakhis it is possible to argue that Guru Nanak was a reformer speaking and acting against the caste system and working to improve the status of women. Equally it can be asserted that he was a religious synthesizer attempting a blend of Hinduism and Islam in his own cult, or that he was a defender of pure religion against superstition, or that in saying “there is no Hindu and no Mussulman” he was essentially condemning their faiths as ultimately futile. With regard to Hindus and Muslims he can be seen as encouraging them to see the truth that exists within themselves. It was the obscuring influence of ritual in Hinduism which he deplored and condemned. The popular janam sakhi accounts which described him as a Guru, popularly explained among Sikhs as one who dispels ignorance or darkness (gu) and proclaims enlightenment (ru).

When Guru Nanak was 50 he decided to end the wandering stage of his life as a teacher, and decided to settle down in the village, though he did make significant journeys in his later years. He was offered land by a rich devotee, where he built his home, a place of worship, and erected a hostel and dharamsala, which in Sikhism is the precursor of the gurdwara. His teachings were not far removed from the sant tradition of north India. He rejected old and arcane traditional aspects of popular Hindu thought. He condemned in his hymns worship of ancestors, the use of astrology, auspicious days the acceptance of rituals related to the offices of Brahmin priests. He preached meditation. The philosophical teachings of the Vedas was not dismissed, though belief in the Vedic deities is ridiculed.

The tradition of a community becoming a permanent body of believers is at least as ancient as Buddhism. The Buddhist sangha seems to have been envisaged as a vehicle for preserving and transmitting the Buddha’s teachings from the outset. Gautama made no other provision for a successor. The Sikh sangat only gradually came to have these functions. Guru Nanak nominated and prepared one of his followers to take his place. Some years before his death a Trehan Kshtriya called Lehna, a devotee of Durga, became a follower of the Guru. He displayed the characteristics of humility and of obedience to the message (bani) to such a degree that Guru Nanak eventually chose him to be his successor in preference to his own sons. The elder Sri Chand, though a pious man was an ascetic and was full of self importance. The other son, Lakshmi Chand had no desire for religious life. Just before he died Guru Nanak initiated Lehna as Guru by placing five coins and a coconut before him and bowing at his feet. He gave Lehna a book of his hymns (a pothi) and a seli, a woolen string symbolizing renunciation worn by Sufis around their caps. He renamed him Angad and declared that the new Guru possessed his spirit and being. Angad is a pun on the word “ang”, limb, and means “part of me”.

When Guru Nanak died on 22 Sep 1539, he left behind him not a fully developed Sikh religion but much more than an embryo. First there was his teaching preserved in 974 hymns, many of which were already in written form, and many others committed to memory and in regular use. Second, there was a community obedient to his discipline, living the householder life (grihastha), regarding work as a divine form of service, singing the kirtan composed by Guru Nanak and meditating upon the divine name. Finally there was a second Nanak, Guru Angad, through whom god continued to speak. From these emerged the sangat, the Guru Granth Sahib and the discipline of life and worship which are still, in the twenty first century, those things which give Sikhism its distinctiveness and cohesion.


Lt Col Sukhwant Singh
(Retd)

POLO THE SPORT OF RICH MAN.

Introduction.

1. The sport of Gentleman, is what you are expected to say, when you are asked about Polo. To be precise, the real meaning of this fantastic game or how it needs to be termed is, “The sport of rich men”. Polo is all about horses and men and has been called the game of upper class refinement. For decades men and horses of impeccable pedigree have played it in lush surroundings. The players in the early days were Princes of the establishment. Whether it was a Maharaja from a Royal Indian principality, or Royalty from European households, polo has always been played by the high and mighty. Possibly because it was always the well-heeled gentleman who could afford the expenses of the game.

2. The history of polo involves three main eras: origins in ancient Asia, the British discovery, and then the trip across the oceans to the Americas. The beginnings of polo started in Asia. “Let other people play at other things. The king of games is still the game of kings.” This verse is inscribed on a stone tablet beside the polo grounds south of the fabled silk route in China. The game as is played in the modern world is a celebration of recklessness and which was modeled on the game as played by India’s daredevil Manipur horseman. It however started somewhere around 2,500 years ago in Persia. Darius the 1st King of Persia referred to his nation of Asia Minor as “Chaugan” or Mallet. From its beginning polo was considered a noble art of warriors and kings. Somewhere down the line it became today’s modern sport, but was always a part of the military prowess of light cavalry armies and empires that were spread through Asia Minor, China, and India. The game made an entry into India when Babar, the founder of the Mughal dynasty in the 15th century, firmly established its popularity, and in turn it became the sport of the ancient royalty of India, who passed on the game to royalty of England.

3. India is considered the cradle of modern polo. It is here that this game of kings was rediscovered and nurtured since medieval times. The period between the decline of the Mughal dynasty and the upsurgence of British Imperial rule, polo almost vanished from mainland India. The popularity of polo has waned and risen many times. However, it has never lost its regal status. It was the tea planters in Assam who founded the Cachar Club in 1859, the oldest polo club in the world and its rules provided the basis for modern polo. In the last few decades, the emergence of privately owned teams has ensured a renaissance in Indian polo. Today, polo is not just restricted to the royalty and the Indian Army, many companies and firms too patronize the sport.

Polo in India

4. Polo, as it is played today, owes its popularity to the British in India who discovered the game and took to it enthusiastically. During the days of the Raj, Gymkhana clubs were the main points of off-duty activities with emphasis on sport – polo in particular. Polo fits admirably with military regimental life. The army had the bandobast (facilities) of horses, syces, (the horse handlers) and a good budget to cater to the game. Most of this holds true even today – the army is responsible for keeping the game alive. The royalty in India took up Polo with vigor. They could afford to keep vast strings of polo ponies and had the time to devote to sports. Sawai Man Singh, the last Maharaja of Jaipur was one of the best polo players in India. He had over 200 polo ponies of his own.

Polo the game

5. But let us learn something about the game. What is Polo all about, that keeps men and women of society so enthralled. The sound of thudding hooves and cries of players on horses in hot pursuit of the balls is a familiar sight during a polo match. over a century. The game in those days was played with five to seven ponies a side. It is now played with four ponies to a side. Indian Polo is divided into four chukkars or quarters because of the lack of good ponies while Argentinean polo consists of seven chukkars. Each quarter lasts for seven and a half minutes. The players are in the order one and two forwards, there is the pivot and four is the back. After each chukkar the ponies are changed. This means fours horses for each of the four players. A fit horse can sometimes play in two and sometimes even three chukkars, but is very rare. The main requirement of a polo pony is that it should be swift, steady, intelligent and above all have endurance. Maximum speed and maneuverability is attained by small, compact country-bred or thoroughbred horses trained methodically for over two years. A prospective polo pony’s training begins at the age of five. In India most horses do not approach this ideal in type or degree of schooling due to the lack of trainers and money. A polo match has an atmosphere that is unique. Elegantly clad spectators wait for the game to begin. It is a glamour sport and everyone who is someone from society will often be found at a Polo match. The atmosphere is relaxed; the green grass on the polo ground is soothing to the eyes and the sunshine pleasantly warm on one’s back. The umpires trot out on their mounts; the chief guest throws the ball between the two teams that are lined up facing one another ready with polo-sticks. The ball is struck, the game begins and everyone is away and over the field!

Indian polo players

6. India has produced some of the best players in the world, and also some of the better-known players of the England learnt to play polo in India while they were in the army. Before 1914, some noteworthy players were the Maharajas of Ratlam, Kishengarh and Alwar, and Shah Mirza Beg of Golconda. General de Lisle, whose tactics and organization of the game have not been improved upon till today, also played during these days. Another legendary player was Hira Singh of Patiala. During the 1920’s and the 1930’s it was the states that dominated the polo scene with such players as Jaswant Singh and Prithi Singh of Jodhpur, the Nawab of Bhopal, Major Atkinson, and men of the Jaipur team who were champions from 1932 to 1938. Then there was Prithi Singh of Baria, Raj Rao Hanut Singh and the Maharaja of Jaipur, Sawai Man Singh.

Season of the Game.

7. The polo season begins in November and continues roughly up to March. Matches are held in Delhi, Calcutta and Bombay. The top players today are from the Army. Players are rated at a handicap of – 2 to +10. There are about six players all over the world that have been rated at a handicap of 10. Players are rated on horsemanship, hitting ability, knowledge of the game and quality of the horse.

Conclusion.

8. Nowhere else do the words ‘Game of Kings’, gain greater significance than in the Indian State of Rajasthan, the fabled land of the Kings. Nestled in the western corner of the Indian subcontinent, the desert kingdoms of Rajasthan have for centuries been the personification of valour and chivalry in India. As the embodiment of courage, sportsmanship and equestrian skill, polo has long been the traditional sport of the Indian nobility, since the medieval period. Foremost among the warrior princes who nurtured this game of kings, were the Rajputs of northern India. Renowned for their chivalry and valour, they cherished the sport as a proving ground for the horsemanship and ability of young men and soldiers. Such was their love of the sport and so strong it's allure that not only Rajput warriors but their ladies as well fell under the spell of the game. Fading miniature paintings on many an ancient manor and fortress wall, bear testimony to the widespread popularity of the sport in Rajputana, 'the fabled desert land of Kings'. The advent of the British and the 'Pax Britannica' gave a new lease of life to polo in India. 'Rediscovered' by a British subaltern from the eastern fringes of the Indian Empire, polo began to progress rapidly both in India and in Britain in the 1870's. At the forefront of the revival were the traditional exponents of the sport - the Indian Maharajas. Armed with their hereditary equestrian skills and with the enormous resources at their disposal, the Maharajas took the polo-playing world by storm. In an exceedingly short period of time, they achieved a standard of excellence in the game that has been unrivalled ever since. The romance of the Bengal Lancers and the pomp and pageantry of the Princely States combined to create a spectacle that became one of the legendary images of the British Empire. The legend still endures. Whereas in other parts of the world, polo has since been associated as a sport of the rich; in India, it has ever been, and always will be, the sport of Kings.

Lt Col Sukhwant Singh (Retd)

THE HANDSHAKE

A handshake tells you a lot about a man. For one thing, it tells you that he is probably an American. Europeans hug when they greet each other, the English nod, the Japanese bow, but it is a peculiar American trick, the handshake. Oh, we Indians love to do what others do so we have ended up copying the Americans. And that’s the way it is. In my travels all over India I have been privileged to observe this very interesting art of greeting, which seems to have converted urban India over from the equally popular ‘namaste’ of the folded hands.

Extending an empty hand to show that you have no weapon, grasping another’s hand to signify your human bond --- you have to admit, that the handshake has impeccable symbolic credentials. Too bad it has become so commonplace as to have lost much of its original meaning. Anyway it’s one way of saying hello, so we might as well get straight once and for all, the main kinds of handshakes, especially the only one that is correct.

The Politician’s Pump. A familiar face with a toothy grin that materializes out of the crowd as its owner grabs your right hand in a firm grip, while simultaneously seizing your forearm in his left hand. Two short, strong shakes and you find yourself being moved to the side as Mr Teeth swivels to mug the next voter.

The Preemptive Squeeze. All fingers and thumb. Your extended hand is caught just short of its target by a set of pincers that encloses your four fingers at the second knuckle and leaves your thumb pointing west. No palm contact whatsoever. One quick squeeze, a side to side waggle, and your hand is unceremoniously dropped, leaving it utterly frustrated. You come across this variety in almost every Indian urban get-together, the corporate luncheon to be precise.

The Limp Fish. The most hated of all. Someone puts his fingers in your hand and leaves them there. Excusable in foreigners or a newly arrived urban babu, who is still grappling with the nuances of genteel behavior. For others, unacceptable.

The Macho Man. The old bone crusher, the familiar signature of the emotionally insecure but physically strong. If you’re alert, you can see this one coming in time to take countermeasures. The best defence is a good offense: grab his hand towards the base of the palm, cutting down on his fingers’ leverage, and start your grip before he starts his. Of course if he is strong enough and macho enough, it won’t work, and he will bond your individual digits into a single flipper for trying to thwart him. There are a lot of these types in Government Service.

The Preachers Clasp. As your right hands join, his left folds over the top and immobilizes them both. Always accompanied by steady eye contact (no way you won’t be the first to blink), and usually a monologue delivered two inches closer to your face than is really necessary. Once the exclusive right of men of the Church and subsequently all men of religion, the Clasp is now practiced by a broad spectrum of the relentlessly sincere, including motivational speakers and honours graduates of weekend-therapy marathons. The worse thing is that this handshake makes your hand sweat.

The Right Way. A firm full handed grip, a steady squeeze, and a definite but understated downward snap (but no up and down pumping, unless you’re contemplating a disabling karate move), followed at once by a decisive release accompanied by eye contact and performed only if both parties are standing (the ritual implies respect and equality, after all.) Sounds easy enough, but how frequently do you encounter a really good one?.

Footnote : Shaking hands with Women. No difference in grip (the Right Way is always right), but convention has it that you should wait for her to extend her hand first. These days, chances are that she will. The real urban animal nowadays does the air kiss while rubbing her cheek to yours, though I think this is more of an Indian custom, one wonders where it’s been picked up from. But we Indians are great at inventing new variations of traditional greetings.

Breaking the Ice

You enter the crowded room, arm yourself with something cold, and move towards a neutral corner of the room to rally your senses. Suddenly you’re intercepted by your host, who grips your arm rather tightly. As he guides you across the room and says’ “ I am dying for you to meet someone”, you wonder why the host should die in order for me to meet this ‘someone’. Seconds later you are face to face with a stranger, whose name you didn’t quite hear and whose face has just clouded over with the look usually reserved for suspected airplane hijackers. Meanwhile your host has disappeared off to mismatch two other poor souls, and you are left to your own devices. After you have repeated the introductions to get the names straight, (you don’t want to go through your life as Deepak when you are not known by that name), sorted out how each of you came to know the host, and agreed that it is warm in here, you discover you have left your other devices at home.

Sounds familiar?. That’s because breaking the ice is a social skill that ranks right up there with the ability to hum, accurately a twenty year Mohd Rafi song. And one encounters this very frequently. Custom has it that how you break ice depends on the sex of the other party. A man is a potential rival, a woman a potential someone you can later brag about. If it’s a man, talk about sports and job. If it’s a woman solicit her opinion on the networks bidding for the new film or TV show you are soon to be producing. (anything to make you shine).

No more. A large social gathering is difficult enough to handle without turning it into a school yard fight. From now on no separate conversational gambits for men or women. After all, your only goal should be to stimulate a few minutes of pleasant conversation. Power and sex can wait.

The best way to move things off dead center is with a non-threatening question. “What do you do” is too blunt. The other person might hate his or her current job, or --- worse still --- might just have lost it. Politics or religion is off limits, until you determine that the person has any such interests. Specific questions (“Do you think Seema has grown up”?), about movies, art, theatre and music are premature, and general queries (“Do you like movies”?) make you sound like a simpleton stumped for anything to say.

The best icebreaker, in an age when everybody is always informed and moving around is “Where are you from?”. Geography is the most neutral of subjects, but is pregnant with conversational possibilities. Finding out that somebody has moved here from Delhi three years ago, or grew up in Calcutta, or has just got back from Dubai, opens up a whole range of secondary questions, allows you to compare impressions of places, where paths may have crossed, and prompts you both to explain how you came to be where you are. More than this just depends upon chemistry.

So dear partygoers, enjoy and go ahead and have fun.



(Retd)